I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
