Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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