I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We got so high we made milksteak
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
