"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
only you would photoshop your dick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
