im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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