I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
