I think I died a long time ago.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
