i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
