i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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