Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
