Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
