I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
