This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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