Cold hands, warm shart.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
