hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
