You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
