ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
