pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
