in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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