i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
