sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
