yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
