Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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