I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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