It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
