I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
