Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
