3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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