NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
