I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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