I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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