I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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