I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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