I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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