I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
