He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
