There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
