Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
