The maid of honor just puked.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
