Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
