Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
