I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
