Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
