I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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