people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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