Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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