the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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