I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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