You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
