Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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