I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
