I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
