WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
