Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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