Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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