I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
